Not So Tame Names

A judge in New Zealand recently ruled that "Tallulah Does the Hula in Hawaii" is not an appropriate legal name for a 9 year old girl. Other names that have been rejected by a court of law include "1069", "III", "Santa Claus", and "Misteri Nigger". Wacky, degrading, and racist names are just another reason why I firmly believe that not everybody should be a parent.

I have a friend named Harry that has a pretty disturbing last name. It wouldn't be a big deal if Harry weren't his legal name. Luckily he has a pretty good sense of humor about the whole thing.

True story: I know of another guy with the last name Kream. His first name is a noble English one but he prefers to go by a nickname that starts with D. He's an older gentleman so I doubt that this nickname was as vulgar back then as it is now.

Celebrities also like to think of wacky names for their kids, eg: Apple and Brooklyn. Millenium moms have followed suit by adopting foreign names for their own children or creating a first name hybrid. Two of my first cousins (different sides of the family) have boys; one is named "Cayden" and the other is named "Bradon". While there's a slim chance that either of these kids will ever find their name on a magnet, t-shirt, or shot glass inside a tourist shop, their parents seem rather pleased with their namesake creativity. Luckily they're cute, and full-fledged members of an American generation with lots of non-traditional names.

Picking out a name for your kid must be awfully difficult, especially since they're stuck with it for life. However, since it's against Jewish tradition to name your children after the living, my future kids will be off the hook - naming them pahkcah02 is officially ruled out.

Shod Me No Tears

Despite only being 5'4" of fabulousness, I have humongous size 10 feet. I'm not sure if it's the fact that I have big feet or that I'm just a wuss, but shoe shopping is a pretty nightmarish activity for me. Don't get me wrong - I love shoes. However, my threshold for pain is so minimal that I completely dread participating in activites that require something fancier than New Balances.

The search for an adorable but comfortable shoe continued this weekend at the Providence Place Mall. One would figure that it shouldn't be that difficult to design a cute shoe that doesn't cause blisters or pain in the soles of your feet. Guys don't have this issue. Guys don't ever have the need to kick of their shoes and brave the elements of a bar floor barefoot.

I finally stumbled upon a pair of shoes at Macy's (see above photo) that survived a night in Jillian's. Are they as adorable as I would've liked? Not quite but they were reasonably priced, came with padded soles, and weren't responsible for a single blister. I wouldn't recommend them for long distance walking but they managed to get me from the pool table to the bar injury free.

This winter? Bring on the Uggs! Now there's a trend that's logical.

My Shekel's on the Republican

Barack Obama, the presumptive Democratic nominee, just wrapped up an international tour, including a trip to Israel. American politicians generally go out of their way to cater to Jewish voters, and Obama is no exception. It's not that Jews are a huge voter bloc. In fact, people who identify themselves as Jewish make up just under 3% of the total US population. However, like Hispanics, African-Americans, and scared white people who cling to their hunting rifles, Jews tend to vote overwhelmingly Democrat. In what's projected to be a tight election, donning a yalmulke and chowing down on falafel can certainly only help you.

In light of his soft stance on Iran, sympathy towards terrorist regimes, and a wildly anti-Semetic former pastor, Senator Obama is currently endorsed by over 60% of American Jewish voters. Despite his "undying commitment" to the security of Israel, this is Obama's first visit to the Holy Land. His comments on the record were very well rehearsed, including his affirmation that Jerusalem is the undivided capitol. However, this blogger is still not convinced that a President Obama could make Israel and the Middle East even 1/10 as secure as it would be with John McCain as our next president.

When it comes to social issues, I'm as open-minded as the next person. Personal lifestyle decisions are none of my business and politicians who threaten livelihood and civil liberties to pander to close-minded Bible thumpers don't deserve the press coverage they're given. However, when it comes to Israel, it is my business, and as a voter I have zero tolerance for a politician with a record of indifference towards anti-Semetism. The fact that Barack Obama sat in church Sunday after Sunday while Reverend Wright spewed anti-Jewish rhetoric is enough for me.

Obama may say he's for Israel, but I'm not convinced that he believes it. McCain's record on Israel has been spotless for almost 3 decades but the Jewish voters of this country do not get it. With their lofty dreams of assimilation and college degrees, Jewish voters do not comprehend that if it is unsafe to be Jewish in Israel that it's unsafe to be Jewish anywhere, including Main Street USA. Like the stereo-typical Jewish mother who sacrifices for her children, Jews will vote for Obama in droves because they value other people's social justice over their own.

The economy, health care, and social security are all important issues that we as voters need to consider. Character, however, will always trump the hot issue of the day. While Congress has the power to sway the policies the nation, the President is a symbol to the world of who Americans are and what we value. It's imperative that Jews help elect a leader who will publicly stand up to Israel's enemies, foster a real peace Middle East peace agreement, and be proud of the fact that in America it's safe to be outwardly American and Jewish. With his lifelong support to to Jewish State, John McCain is the only candidate who can help make that happen.

I'm Back

Wow, so I have no idea what evil virus ran through my body, but being sick for the last 7 days completely sucked ass. It started off with a fever last Monday and ended with a bang as a full-on cold. Anyways, whatever it was, I hope that it was some random bug that none of you actually catch.

Watching hours of day time television and Hogan's Heroes has rendered me brain-dead, and as a result I am completely void of blog fodder. Tonight I'm off to the Staind/3 Doors Down concert with Marky Mark, via a dining tour to the one kosher restaurant south of Boston (perhaps I'll write a review). Later this week I have a meeting in Vermont with a pretty big name in the food industry (not Ben and Jerry's) before jumping the border to Montreal for the weekend.

Drinks in Boston when I get back? "An excellent idea, General Berkhalter!" - Col. Klink

Sicko

I hate being sick, and as a "virtual" employee who is not surrounded by a bunch of germy co-workers 24-7, I get sick a lot less often then I used to. However, after burning the candle on both ends with a multi-state business tour, a wedding, a party, and 400 miles of driving in two days I knew that all of the excitement was going to catch up with me sooner or later. I crashed - bad, and ended up in bed with a fever yesterday. However, as someone who always sees the bagel and never the hole, there are a few top reasons why getting sick is a lot easier in the digital age:

10. With a laptop and wireless networking I can keep up with e-mails while in bed
9. Waking up from my nap everytime the Blackberry goes off
8. Mom always half-ass offers to make me matzoh ball soup. One day I'll say "yes" and she'll completely balk.
7. Co-workers don't call to bug me. As much.
6. Watching the room spin after I down another Tylenol Cold and Flu pill
5. 3am marathons of Hogan's Heroes on TV Land
4. Getting a bit teary-eyed while watching wholesome Christian programming on the Hallmark channel.
3. Recognizing the Canadian Dimetapp is really magic in a bottle
2. Having my mom call me every 2 hours to make sure that I'm still alive. But she's still not serious about making me matzoh ball soup.
1. Waking up the next day and appreciating the fact that you're not sick before rushing to make up all the work you missed.

Because We're Massachusetts, And The Rest of the Country Is Not

Yesterday's Boston Herald did an entire spread on what cities and towns are doing to trim their budgets during this economic recession. Some towns for opted for painless cost savers, such as swapping out regular bulbs for CFC's while others are closing town halls 3-4 days a week. With 351 cities and towns in this state, most of whom have under 30,000 residents, there is one huge cost savings that is rarely uttered:

Regionalization

Yes, regionalization - oh horror of fucking horrors. Surely Anne Hutchinson was kicked out the Massachusetts Bay Colony for suggesting less. While just about every other state deals with most municipal services, including fire depts, police, and education on a regional or county level, Massachusetts insists on creating tiny fiefdoms of overhead. Protecting Johnny Football Hero's job as town police sergeant without considering more efficient or modern options is just one more reason why we're Massachusetts and the rest of the country is not.

Other than the fact that there are townie egos in play, there is absolutely no reason on earth why neighboring towns can't combine school systems, public works departments, and fire and police services. To an extent regional school systems already exist. Why not extend that mentality towards our other governement-provided services?

The small town folk of Massachusetts may mean well, but their political power grabs are an expensive luxury that we can't afford anymore. The spigot of money from Beacon Hill is obviously shut off and Prop 2 1/2 is nothing more than a temporary band aid. Small cities and towns need budget overhauls, and combining services with neighboring towns is one way to streamline services and create permanent cost savings.

Chain Invasion

Rumor has it that Virginia-based burger chain Five Guys is dropping anchor on the Dedham Mall on Route 1. I ate at Five Guys in Maryland and didn't particularly care for it although their french fries have somewhat of a cult following. 5 Guys joins the Dedham Mall Chipotle in the new to New England chain restaurant club.

Personally, I'd like the Southerners keep their 5 Guys/Sonic/CiCi's/Waffle Houses far away from New England soil. Any independent diner can make food far better than these national conglomerates, plus they'll have clam chowder on the menu. However, since a little variety never hurt anyone I'm down for opening a couple dozen Chick-Fil-A's. The fact that their spokesman is a cow asking us to eat more chicken is flat out amusing.

Before You Turn to Dust, Make Out Your Will and Trust

There's a little bit of a conspiracy theorist in all of us, and mine's been nagging at me for a while to make out a will and health care proxy. You may recall a few years ago a lady named Terry Schiavo, who was dangling along on life support while her husband and parents battled to decide her fate. A will and health care proxy can eliminate a lot of that heartache.

Don't get me wrong - I don't plan on dying anytime soon. However, I was watching the Suze Orman show the other day (looooove her) and she was peddling a free will kit via her website. If you have a spouse and children, or a family who might contest a will, I doubt that the Suze Orman kit would hold up in court. In this case, I'd recommend hiring an actual lawyer. However, since I plan to leave everything to the dog (kidding.....sort of....), the free kit will give my family an idea of what my wishes are should the worse case scenario happen.

Even if you feel the most valuable thing you own is a Woodstock '94 t-shirt, a will and health care proxy is still something you should consider. Some of the benefits? For starters, you can spell out in writing who is allowed to make medical decisions for you if you are unable to make those decisions for yourself. You can also allow a trusted friend or relative to have access to your financial accounts, including the ability to write and deposit checks. As an added bonus you can even draw up a guide of how you want your funeral to go down, which is a big deal if your spiritual or religious beliefs are not in line with your immediate family's.

I drew mine up yesterday and while it wasn't the most pleasant thing I've ever done, it was pretty routine as far as filling out documents I don't understand goes. The bottom line is that it's one thing to read the news of the day and inform your friends that if you ever end up like Terry Schiavo that you want someone to pull the plug; it's another thing to actually put it in writing via a quasi-legal document. If this is something you've been considering for a while, go to suzeorman.com and click on Will Kit. Click on "gift" and enter code "People First".