I Wanna Be Too Big Too Fail

Ok, seriously, is anyone out there actually surprised that AIG doled out over $160 million in bonuses this weekend? Really? Because if so, they obviously haven't been paying attention.

See, here's the deal folks: the executives that received bonuses did so because of a contract they signed last March. The AIG ship was sinking but their crafty lawyers drew up paperwork that entitled them to bonuses regardless of their performances. The US government should've dotted the i's and crossed the t's before their 80% takeover of AIG but they didn't bother - AIG is "too big to fail".

The government could've either a) ignored the payout schedule or b) let AIG collapse in manner of Lehman, Bears Stearns, etc. Here's the thing though - most government pensions are funneled through AIG. If AIG disappers, so do the retirement payouts to millions of local, state, and federal employees. AIG wasn't too big to fail but its demise would've jeopardized the golden years of America's payroll patriots. Much better to let the robber barons syphon $160 million taxpayer dollars as bonuses. Our elected leaders think that we're too dumb to notice anyhow.

There's been a lot of outcry over the payouts to AIG brass and I haven't heard of one former executive coming forward to denounce their colleagues. Maybe it's because I haven't had cable TV since Monday, but I seriously can't recall reading or watching an interview with a single AIG employee who refused a $3 million taxpayer sponsored bonus because he felt that accepting it was just a tiny bit wrong.

The point is that until the collapse the majority of Wall Street was made up of Greedy Fucking Bastards, with egos only second to those of professional athletes. We live in a culture that fills out airwaves and broadband pipes with stories of bling, glamour, and get rich quick schemes. Sex scandals bring down governors, 1 out of every 4 American girls vies to be an unwed teenage mom, and the former chairman of the SEC steals $50 billion in a Ponzi scheme. The AIG bonus scam rips open the wound that our country has become.

We've become a nation that rewards short term gains at the expense of long term results. We award every youth athlete a trophy, guarantee homeowners who default on mortgages 2% interest loans, and rescue failing banks all while ensuring that AIG execs get their piece of the pie. In short, America is now a nation that not only encourages failure, but makes failure worth our while. Better to fail than to succeed, as both efforts in the end will yield the same results.

I can't offer any advice on how to get out of this other than to state that we totally did this to ourselves. We've become the biggest, baddest, greediest country on the planet while Brazil, China, and India pour themselves a shot of Johnny Walker Blue and collectively laugh their asses off. Welcome to the new millenium where the electorate is apathetic and the political pages read like the script of Mean Girls. Unfortunately, unlike AIG I doubt that America is too big to fail.

Courtesy of My Good Friend, Flutterbyblue

I'll raise a l'chaim to that this St. Patrick's Day!

Wise Beyond Her Height: The Troll As a Role Model

The Troll updated her Facebook status this weekend by informing everyone that she was ditching digital cable. "Yeah, right", I thought. "She'll be back". To be fair here, the Troll and I have never experienced life with rabbit ears. When Cablevision came to our street in the early days of 1982, our family was the first on the block to sign up (and dad hasn't left the couch since). When I moved out on my own I considered a tricked out cable package to be a basic human right, second only to potable water. Therefore it never even dawned on me that paying $100/month for television is absolutely absurd.

Here's the kicker, tho - I have a 46" HDTV with an HDMI input that plugs directly into my laptop. I can get HD through the TV's QAM tuner and can watch online content directly on my TV. 95% of what I watch is either available through basic cable or online. Watching the latter just means that I have to draw up an Internet page rather than click a button on a remote. The truth is that I've just been really lazy. After a heart to heart with the Troll, I realized that my laziness was costing me big - to the tune of $90/month.

Considering the switch? Consider this: The difference between my super duper Comcast package and my new basic cable subscription is $90/month. This adds up to $1,080 over the next 12 months. That much extra cash can buy all of the following:

One round trip ticket between Boston and New York on Acela
A one year membership to Netflix (1 DVD at a time option)
An 8GB iPod Nano
2.5 lbs of Kona Coffee Beans
A Sylvania 22" LCD TV
A pair of Gap Low Rise Boot Cut Jeans
One Jiffy Lube Signature Oil Change
One Passion Pink Haier Mini Cube Fridge
A case of Sam Adams Beer
One Coach Signature Clip Demi Flap Purse

Basic cable probably isn't for everyone. In fact, I'm not even sure that it's for me. However, I'm willing to try it out for a bit to see if it suits me. If it doesn't, I have absolutely no doubt that Comcast will still take my money each month (they're good like that).

Being Pahkcah02

I've been seriously captivated by two new shows this year: Life On Mars and Being Erica. Incidentally both shows were ripped from foreign stations, which may help explain why they've been so downright brilliant and engaging. Life On Mars follows the story of a modern day New York police detective who after being in an accident was transported back to 1973. It is not clear to the viewer whether the main character, Sam Tyler, is dead, went insane, or is legitimately living the life of a 1973 police detective. While the mystery of Sam's fate is the show's major plot line, I find the subplot of Officer Annie Norris just as fascinating.

Dubbed "No Nuts with the Donuts" (or "no nuts" for short), Annie is so marginalized by her male co-workers that, like the title suggests, it's like she's living on another planet. Armed with a masters degree in psychology, Annie makes coffee and acts as a quasi-social worker while her male co-workers do the "real" police work. However, by 1973 things are clearly changing for Annie and American women in general. Tired of being constantly under minded, Annie bravely demanded this week that her lieutenant promote her to detective. As someone who started her professional career in the new millennium, Annie's struggle to be taken seriously is something that as a woman I can totally appreciate.

On the flipside, Erica Strange, is a typical Generation Xer who re-lives her past on Soapnet's Being Erica. Bouncing from dead-end job to dead-end job despite having two English degrees, Erica's life is full of regrets. Serendipitously, Erica runs into Dr. Tom, a psychologist who speaks in famous quotes and transports Erica back in time to "do over" the moments she wishes would've gone differently. Whether it's being initiated into a secret society or standing up to a demanding professor, Erica learns that sometimes the events we obsess about the most aren't as life altering as we would like to think.

Life on Mars is on every Wednesday at 10:02pm on ABC. You can catch Being Erica on Soapnet at 10pm on Thursdays.

Everything I Learned About Networking, I Learned From Pirating MP3's in Coolidge Tower

I may be dating myself a little, but put your seatbelt on and humor me for a bit. Back before ratio-servers, Napster, and iTunes cool college kids would pirate MP3's by sharing music folders on the school network. Music lovers would pillage through other people's hard drive and simply grab whatever music caught their fancy. With a basic understanding Microsoft Network architecture, even the most computer un-savvy could share and pirate gigs worth of late 90's hip-hop, rap, and indie rock.

Fearing lawsuits college administrators eventually tried to do away with file sharing through school networks but the love of Microsoft Networking never dies. Sure most normal people would choose to back up their precious work contacts, e-mails and documents on CD, external hard drive, or Internet, but as you may have figured out by now, I'm not totally normal. I am however, grateful that I listened to the sage words of Daddy Dearest by backing up my desktop a few weeks ago. It came in handy yesterday when my P.O.S. HP pretty much stopped working.

I was able to salvage 80% of what I needed through that one-time backup I performed. I was able to get almost 95% of it by sharing my desktop C drive on my network (FYI, totally not recommended) and copying it onto my laptop. The desktop needs to be flattened and I would've been wicked screwed with a capital F had I not done that initial back up. Basically years worth of work data would've been gone in a blink of a Windows error message.

Why am I boring you with all of this? Because seriously, folks, we need to remember to floss, change our underwear, and back up our hard drives on a fairly regular basis. If my network behaves I may be able to get out of this one with almost 100% of my data intact.

Another Example of Minnie's Superior Intelligence Level

Everyone thinks that their dog is the smartest, most intuitive creature to ever roam the planet on four legs. I, however, know for certain that Minnie is head and shoulders smarter than most dogs (and people) out there. If you think about it, dogs don't have a ton of responsibilities. They don't have to wake up early, juggle a career, or worry about what to cook for dinner. In fact, dogs honest-to-goodness have nothing better to do all day then to observe you, your routine, and your world (oh, and sleep). Their attention to detail makes them pretty astute pets.

One of my tires has been acting up lately and since I'm off to Connecticut in a few hours, I really couldn't ignore it any longer. I borrowed my mom's car for the day and realizing that their house was on the way to her office/the tire shop, I figured that Minnie would enjoy going for a short ride. Left to her own devices all day, Minnie was absolutely psyched to see me and started going nuts when I asked her if she wanted to go for a ride.

Halfway between home and mom's office Minnie started shaking like a Frenchman in a thunderstorm. She was obviously terrified about something which had me pretty worried. Luckily the princess act ended once she stepped paw into the office (she likes to visit). Why all the canine drama? Well, it turns out that my mom's office is one block away from the place where she gets her baths. Minnie sensed the scenery on the way over and thought that she was going to be subjected to a round of suds, water, and nail clipping.

Like most dogs, Minnie hates baths. In fact, if you say "Minnie, do you want to take a bath?" she'll answer you with a short growl. However, also like most dogs she rolls around in dirt so a trip to the puppy spa is warranted every few weeks. My parents can play bad cop by taking her to these appointments; I'll retain my role as good cop by using different roads to get to my mom's office when playing chauffer for Minnie. As if Minnie weren't smart enough already, she's also managing to keep me in line.

House Hunters Maryland Style

I spent the weekend in Maryland helping the Troll pick out her first condo. Prepared with a clipboard and checklist, I sat like a fly on the wall while the Troll ran off her list of must-haves (in unit laundry, carpet in the bedroom, etc). At the end of the day she made an offer on a short sale and is in "wait and see" mode while the bank reviews her proposal.


It's got an open living room/den with an attached open dining room (which you can't see in this photo). Basically it's big enough to play a regulation football game in.


Despite popular belief, people in the South get their very own bathroom as well!


The bedroom is actually a loft. Edgy, yet conservative.

Good luck!!!