There's No Joy in Jeans-ville

Last fall I went to the Gap outlet in Wrentham in search of a pair of moderately-priced-hanging-around-in-the-house jeans. From junior high to post-college I was practially naked if a Gap label was not proudly displayed across my chest, rear pocket, or inside tag. Grabbing my usual size, I was a bit shocked when I could barely pull them over my thighs. Thinking it was just a fluke, I grabbed the next biggest size, reasoning that size is just a number, right? When the size up from that (we're now 4 sizes bigger from my usual size) would barely zipper, I was pretty irritated. At least irritated enough to march down to Nordstrom and pay retail for another brand.

When the Queen Dee reported a similar incident, I did an informal straw poll (ok, I casually asked Nay and LK) and concluded that the apparel industry is simply out to get us. First the stores changed standard American sizing models on us to make us all a size smaller (eg: Abercrombie and Fitch). Then along came Britney Spears and the era of low slung jeans, which 99.9% of us had absolutely no right to wear, and made most of a size bigger. Now the industry is moving towards waist measurements (eg: a size 28 is a size 8) but don't be fooled: a size 27 at Lucky does not equal a size 27 at Citizens. Since they're using standard inches to create these sizes, I'm not sure how that's even possible.

Thanks to the wild popularity of low slung jeans in the early millenium (cringe...), jeans designers have almost universally shorted the inseam on all styles. Although most of us don't want to wear jeans with waists that start at our boobs (unless you're my granny - she's down with it), I'm getting a little tired of wearing jeans with a waist that's just low enough to qualify as plumber's garb. While I could simply wear a belt, I choose not to and therefore have to be pretty careful when leaning over to pick something up. It's kind of annoying since jeans are supposed to be a worry-free, casual choice of trousers.

To add insult to injury I can't even order a pair of jeans online because I have no idea what the sizes mean anymore. Even if I find a particular brand I like, the chances are that the size I order, even if it's the same size I'm currently wearing, probably won't fit. I long for the days of khakis, as there is currently no joy in jeans-ville.