When It Comes to Medical Advice, My Money's on the Braintree High Grad

After being out in the Cape Cod sun last week I noticed a brown streak starting to develop on my upper lip. Completely freaked out, I immediately googled my ailment to try to figure out what it was. I spend a great portion of my summer weekends in the sun and since I have a lot of weddings this summer, I don't want to be forever memorialized in wedding photos as the girl with the funky, Hitler-like 'stash. Deciding that further medical advice was necessary, I went to my PCP last night.

Doc: How's it going? Do you have a boyfriend?

Pahkcah02: No, Doctor.

Doc: Right. (reading my chart). I guess you're concerned about dark pigmentation that's developed on your face?

Pahkcah02: Yes. I was out in the sun last week and noticed a dark spot starting to appear above my lip. According to google I have something called malasma but that's generally only a problem with women that are pregnant, which I am obviously not.

Doc: Are you sure? I can do a pregnancy test if you'd like.

Pahkcah02: No, I don't think that will be necessary.

Doc: Hmmm...here's a referral slip. You should probably see a dermatologist. I have no idea what that is.

Pahkcah02 calls the dermatologist this morning to explain the situation, including my fear of upcoming wedding photos. I'm told that the earliest appointment available is September 5.

This evening I went to see Brenda, my waxer/therapist for my three-week eyebrow wax.

Brenda: You've got some weird shit starting to develop on your upper lip.

Pahkcah02: I know! What the hell is that?

Brenda: You on the pill?

Pahkcah02: You betcha.

Brenda: Uh, huh, you've got malasma. The pill fucks up your hormones. Don't worry, it's wicked normal. You should stay out of the sun, but since you won't, apply SPF 50 and you should be all set.

There it is, folks. For the price of a PCP co-pay, my money's on the aestician from Braintree.