I Criticize Because I Care

On Sunday, Wellesley and I went to Legal Seafood at Copley for a traditional New England clambake courtesy of special pricing through Groupon.com. As a caveat to the dining deal, Wellesley and I sat with 58 of our closest friends community style for a down and dirty meal with all the fixings.

The meal started off with a decent cup of New England chowder, the same stuff that is stamped with the Legal name and mass marketed throughout the east coast. Moving on, the steamers were out of this world. They were simple, and tasty, and utterly addictive. If you're going to break the holy rules of kosher eating, Legal Seafood steamers are definitely the way to go. I skipped the chorizo course and moved on to the main star of the evening, a chicken lobster that I secretly named Ellie.

When it comes to lobster, I am like Bubba from Forrest Gump: I like it boiled, broiled, baked, steamed, fried, and sauteed. I like it in sandwiches, in pasta, topped on pizza, mixed with mac and cheese, stuffed, or simply dead and on my plate. If you are culinary enough to boil water you can cook a lobster, which is why I was shocked and awed when Legal Seafoods, the self-anointed King of New England seafood, managed to fuck it up.

Aside from being rubbery and overcooked, Ellie was not steamed in salt water, rendering her bland and even more tasteless than this blog. Wellesley complained of a similar fate for his unnamed crustacean. Not like it prevented us from eating everything besides the shells (seriously, now....), but I honestly expected better from a place as high end as Legal.

Wellesley and I each fake muttered a line about "being full" before diving face first into a plate of Boston Cream Pie. The pie was shaped like a half circle and had an outer layer of vanilla pudding surrounding the traditional white cake. Cut with whipped cream and topped with chocolate sauce it was delicious expression of our Masshole pride.

Overall, it was a mixed review of a restaurant that I had set the bar pretty high for. Since every cloud deserves a silver lining, I will mention that the waitstaff was excellent. Bottom line: I've enjoyed the raw bar and lunch specials during past visits, but I'll likely steer clear of Legals the next time I have an overwhelming urge for lobster.