Casual Friday Humor

Schwartz, Cohen and Ginsburg were all close friends since
childhood. They decided they wanted to go into business
together.

Schwartz says, "OK! I'll invest $100,000."
Cohen says, "I will go for $200,000".
Ginsburg says, "All right, I'll put in $1,000."

Cohen says, "If I'm putting in $200,000, I'll be the President
and CEO of the corporation. You, Schwartz, for your $100,000,
you can be Vice President and CFO, and Ginsburg, for your $1,000,
you will be our Sexual Adviser."

Puzzled, Ginsburg asks Cohen, "What is a Sexual Adviser?"

Cohen replies, "When we want your fucking advice, we'll ask for it."

An Alternative Close for a Predictable Ending

Mazel Tovs are in order for the Patrick administration! Because the Governor is way too much of a pussy to make any actual leadership decisions (eg: pension reform), he decided to stick it to the Masaschusetts taxpayer once again by mastering the Alternative Sales Close. Every sales rookie that graduates sales traing (and now our Governor!) learns never to give your prospect the opportunity to say no. Rather than ask the hard working people of Massachusetts whether or not they'd like a gas tax increase, our Governor asked whether we wanted a gas tax increase OR a Turnpike toll hike. Very clever wording for a man who spent 60,000 of our dollars on an SUV this week.

Incidentally, the way you answer this question largely depends on where you reside. When this question was posed by the Springfield Republican newspaper, only 3% of western Mass residents were in favor of raising the gas tax (66% voted for tolls while the rest argued for budget reform). Not surprisingly, 54% of Boston Globe readers are in favor of taxing a gallon of gas to high heaven.

When money is tight for those of us in what Howie Carr refers to as the "dreaded public sector", we tighten our belts, cut back, and do without. When money is tight in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts we spend more, expand programs, and demand that the taxpayers foot the bill. Rather than ask whether we should increase the tolls OR raise the gas tax, we should be asking ourselves whether we continue to make our elected officials legislators for life OR vote them all out of office.

Tax 'Em All Deval should be leading by example, but since he has proven time and again that he is completely incapable of such a thing, we ought to demand that our representatives act like compassionate human beings during this economic crisis. It's doesn't take an economic genius (or even a mediocre governor) to realize that raising taxes should be considered only as an absolute last resort. If that means saving millions by requiring town employees to buy into the state health plan, banishing the time loved tradition of double-dipping, or 86ing unprofitable MBTA routes then so be it. The people out in Western Mass get it and it's about time that their bout of common sense infects the rest of us.

Wednesday Updates

My laptop is finally out of computer ER and is on it's way to a full recovery. I don't know if it was some sort of a glitch or a major malfunction, but a week ago I couldn't get my Dell to properly boot up. I missed the little guy, but luckily a super duper Dell surgeon was able to get it back up and running. It's safe to come back to the Canton Compound, Queen Dee

Speaking of malfunctioning products, my older-than-dirt Maytag (birthday: circa 1984) has always been loud, but lately it's been making really angry noises. I can't figure out if it's a) pissed because I don't stock food in it or b) just really fucking old. Rather than wake up in the very near future to discover that my freezer completely broke down (thus ruling out the possibility of scotch on the rocks), I, like generations before me, marched down to Sears to purchase a new one this evening.

The size of my fridge is severly restricted by the height of my over-the-fridge cabinet and this minor inconvenience called a wall. Trying to work within my dimensions, I researched different brands and models of refridgerators. Unbeknownst to me, the prices of a modern-day fridge fluctuate wildly. I ended up with a moderately priced $500 Kenmore model. There are a lot of technical nuances between brands but after completing my research I only found one major difference between my fridge and the $1200 model - that difference was $700.

Sunday I'm taking some of the SK girls down to my favorite haunt in Providence. We generally hang out in Boston, as that's where civilization started and thrived, but I'm secretly thrilled at showing them "my" city where I worked for 2 years while ramping up my career. Last time I went down to the Hill I met the right and honorable Buddy Cianci (and have the picture to prove it). I am confident that this trip will be just as memorable, though with slightly less (alleged) racketeering undertones.

Even though I'm dining in Providence, my dear blog readers certainly aren't convinced that I'm sticking around for long. Next week I'm off to Raleigh, Baltimore, and then Stamford, CT. I'd like to stay that I'm going to be home long enough to collect my mail but chances are that won't happen - I may have to do a quick jaunt over to the bright lights and big city of Chattanooga, TN. Details to follow.....

I spent my Single Awareness Day (aka: Valentine's Day) at the Matthews Arena watching the UMass Minutemen crush Northeastern 4-1. It's a secret that I don't like to tell but I spent a good chunk of my undergraduate years rooting on the Minutemen to Hockey East glory (side note: the hockey players drafted from Denmark? Hott!!). Everything about UMass hockey is better than what you'd find at any Boston-based private school. Our mascot is the representation of freedom; our band the Power and Class of New England. Private schools in Boston share mascots with UConn while their "band" busks for quarters at South Station. They may not make it to the Frozen Four, but beating the piss out of Northeastern brings pride to our alma mater nonetheless.

Speaking of the (413), be sure to stop by your local package store and pick up a growler of Berkshire Brewing Company. You deserve it!

Restaurant Review: Oishii

Restaurant: Oishii
Address: 612 Hammond Street, Brookline (Chestnut Hill), MA
Website: N/A (you can get a menu here)
Rating: A+

Any sushi lover in Boston worth their seaweed has probably heard that Oishii Sushi in Chestnut Hill is hands down the best sushi in New England. I'm happy to report that is absolutely, with a doubt, 100% true. I've been dying to try Oishii for a while so I absolutely pounced on the chance when my friend Wellesley suggested it last night.

Located on the corner of Hammond Street and Route 9 East, Oishii is a long sushi bar and not much else. Most in-the-know locals opt for take-out while the rest jockey for one of the 15 or so available seats. As an Oishii virgin, I counted on Wellesley to help me navigate the menu. His wise choices combined with the talent of the Oishii chefs definitely exceeded my wildest expectations.

We started off with Oishii Tuna Chips which is a salad of minced tuna and pickled ginger piled on top of 5 homemade potato chips. The chips were pretty small and clearly not designed to hold the heavy weight of the tuna. While trying to balance salad on soggy chip was probably the most awkward part of the meal, this unique appetizer was still better than average. For our main entree we split a Paula's Maki (salmon, wasabi roe and avocado inside and salmon, tuna and lemon on out side), Bluefish Toro Sushi, Sake Sushi, Alligator Maki (ebi tempura, cake inside with crabstick, eel, roe, avo, scallion on top), East Maki (shrimp, avocado, cucumber and roe), and a White Tiger Maki (tuna, roe, cucumber rolled in white seaweed with sauce). We ate a ton, and every single bite was absolutely out of this world. I especially liked the spicy then citrusy taste of the Paula's Maki.

This place definitely isn't cheap (our bill was close to $80) and the stress of getting the evil eye from patrons waiting for a table on Hammond Street gives new meaning to the term "chew and screw". However, despite the challenges Oishii is still a must-try for any local sushi lover.

Oishii is located in the Chestnut Hill area of Brookline, steps away from from the Chestnut Hill stop on the Green Line D train. Those with vehicles will find plenty of street parking on Hammond Street. The extra bonus to driving to Oishii? JP Licks in Coolidge Corner is only a hop, skip, and a few stop signs away.

DVD's in Pretty Boxes

My Comcast bills have been redonculous, which I absolutely accept full responsibility for. I rarely ever go to the movies and am therefore tempted by the onDemand feature that offers full length films in HD at $6/pop. After wasting 2 hours of my life (not to mention the $6) watching Tropic Thunder, I knew that I needed a more fiscally responsible option. Enter Red Box, stage left.

Red Boxes are located at many supermarkets and McDonald's, and allow viewers like us to see horrendous films for only a buck. Take for example last night's feature film, Private Valentine. I have a pretty high threshold for terrible movies, but Jessica Simpson's latest debaucle made Grease 2 look like an Academy Award winner. Other films that I'm dying to check out (but totally not willing to pay more than $1 for): Changeling, The Family That Preys Together, and Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist.

By setting up an account at redbox.com, you can check out what's in stock at your local box as well as reserve films online. There's also a link for a free rental if you register your e-mail address.

The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades

Circa 1967. If I get married someday, I hope my husband lets me get one of these.

Sales Contests and TARP

I perused the comments section of MSN yesterday regarding the 12 day Vegas trip for top performing sales reps at Wells Fargo and they were quite scathing. After accepting billions in bailout money (which was basically forced upon them by Secretary Paulson - Wells never outright asked for the greenbacks), the powers that be didn't 86 the annual trip. Their spokesperson went so far as to explain to the media that the sales contest was part of the "Wells Fargo culture". After a huge media backlash, the Vegas trip was abruptly cancelled earlier this week.

A few years ago I won a sales contest and got an all-expense trip to Las Vegas. My previous two employers both rewarded their top performing employees with elaborate trips to Vegas, Hawaii, and the Bahamas. Sales contests are designed to motivate and almost encourage employees to pull a couple of fast ones in order to hit the numbers required to win these trips. To be clear here, not everybody is eligible to go on these trips. The Vegas-bound employees of Wells Fargo represent the top performing salesmen in the organization.

Companies like Wells Fargo stay in business because of sales people. If they're not out there doing their jobs, Wells simply does not have the money to pay their other employees. While booking an elaborate 12 day trip at the most expensive hotel in Las Vegas may have been in poor taste, these employees won that trip fair and square. For spectators who have never so much participated in a candy bar fundraiser to complain that these top earners are "lucky to have a job" is ludicrous.

I may be biased, but sales is one of the toughest jobs on the planet. One salesman at Wells Fargo probably supports a dozen other employees. Letting the uber-competitive salespeople have their contest only benefits the bottom line. A lot of people make their livlihood off this one sales person. If all it takes is a trip to Las Vegas to keep this key person motivated then so be it.