When you're sexy, single, and living in the suburbs there are naturally three very exciting things you can do on a Tuesday night: drink scotch, wolf down Shaw's cookies (I wish I could quit you, Shaw's. I know that I rant about your slower-than-shit employees but your supermarket bakery is by far the best in the continental United States), and buy 1c/pack pencils for your twin sister in Maryland.

I received an extra exciting spam e-mail last week that Staples was offering a packet of eight No. 2 pencils for a penny. But seriously, though, when was the last time you saw something besides a No. 2 pencil? It was so annoying in school when the teachers would instruct you to fill in your exam using ONLY a No. 2 pencil, as if you were going to fuck up their testing efforts by using a non-existant No. 3 or No. 198 pencil. Melissa, I have spent 14c and 35 minutes of my life that I can't ever get back in order to procure No. 2 pencils for your students. Just remember: if they still can't pass their mandatory state testing, it won't be because of a lack of effort on my part.

Actually, I'm thinking of gift wrapping your No. 2 pencils and shipping them to Baltimore. Happy 27th Birthday!!

Now that that's out of the way, I guess that aside from drinking scotch and eating those Shaw's cookies, my dance card is empty this evening. Strike that: I can watch the pilot episode of Greek that I DVRed from ABC Family last night. I heart it when TV shows try to show the nation what the college fraternity system is really all about. I wonder if this show will feature people getting into all out cat fights because a certain sorority sister borrowed the Wings! delivery menu and didn't remember to put it back in its proper place. America - prepare to be entertained!

Tomorrow night I have a hot date at Papa Gino's with my UMass Hillel girls. Eschewing anything that might resemble greedy corporate America, Amherst all but banned my surrogate step-dad, Papa Gino from their precious downtown. At the age of 21 we would re-live our over-the-top high school days by travelling to Northampton for Papa Gino's and then stop off at Friendly's for dessert. It's kind of a tradition now, and one that we take quite seriously of course.