Good Times at the Wholesale Club

One of the things I enjoy most about living in America is the unprecedented access to wholesale clubs. In the war of wholesale clubs, there are BJ's people and Costco people and each are fiercely loyal to their respective clubs. Personally I'm a BJ's girl, mostly because I like to support a company that's headquartered in Massachusetts (plus their liquor selection in Stoughton is unreal).

Sure places like Target and Wal-Mart may offer deals similar to those found in wholesale clubs, but the experience is totally not the same. Although I've logged many hours walking the aisles of Costco in D.D.O., Quebec, the art of the wholesale market is such a uniquely American experience. If our regular supermarkets are enough to impress foreigners, they would go absolutely berserk if left loose in a local BJ's. In fact, if a Sam's Club were built in Afghanistan I'm fairly confident that jihadi activities would cease immediately. After all, life is so worth living once you've discovered Prada purses, Sony TV's, and a family pack of Kleenex at cut-rate prices.

The science of cleaning house at a wholesale club is to know exactly how much everything you're buying actually costs. For example, buying 5 lbs of steak tips at $5.99/lb is no bargain but snatching up 3 DiGiornio pizzas for $10 is. $14 for 12 rolls of paper towels? Eh, you could do better. However, a bottle of J. Lohr chardonnay for $8 is worth celebrating. Forget about getting an alarm system or keeping a .38 in your sock drawer. When you're living alone, nothing screams "security" like having 36 double rolls of Cottonelle you recently picked up at BJ's stashed away in the coat closet.

In practical terms, there's really no reason for someone like me to be a card carrying wholesale club member. However, membership has its privileges and I enjoy the camaraderie of hob-nobbing with my fellow suburbanites. The car culture, the larger than life parking lots, the excitement of buying Family Packs that are clearly marketed to the Jon and Kate plus 8 crowd instead of yours truly. It doesn't matter if it will take me 3 months to go through a packet of BJ's brand coffee nor do I mind that I'll never, ever get away with spending less than $80 on cleaning supplies, ice cream, and trash bags. For me it's all about the thrill of finding something at a decent price and subsequently buying a year's supply of it. As someone who clearly doesn't understand the word "boundaries" when on a wholesale club shopping sprenzy, I can only offer you my enthusiastic support for this bit of Americana. I can also offer you an extremely large bottle of toilet bowl cleaner. I recently picked up a 4-pack for the bargain basement price of $5.99.