Zayde Getting Married

The Troll *finally* closed on her condo on Thursday and since I'm a little up in the air right now as far as free time, I figured I'd hop the Saturday, 9am flight down to Baltimore to check out her new digs. I was immediately put to work schlepping boxes up three flights of stairs, including a 100lb+ TV stand in the summer Southern heat (91F and climbing). After the schelpping came the fun part: Chic-Fil-A and watching her spend lots of money on a TV and living room set. As an extra bonus the Troll let me use my rude Yankee ways to beat the crap out of the furniture salesmen (she saved 10% on some of her furniture). We then lugged a 42" TV up the 3 flights of stairs except this time there's was an extra bounce in our step. After a long day of running around like idiots in the oppressive humidity (honestly? How do people live down there???) one undeniable fact remains: the twins from Toughtown are totally un-fucking-stoppable.

Zayde called us a few weeks ago to announce the happy news: he and Bronx were officially engaged. The wedding took place on Long Island yesterday, which made the trip to Baltimore extra convenient since the Troll and I were going to have to drive there anyways. Since Zayde and Bronx didn't want to change anything legally, they spoke to the rabbi and he agreed to do a committment ceremony. To my surprise, it was a full-blown Jewish ceremony complete with a katuba (religious marriage certificate) and everything.

After the ceremony they brought out platters of kosher deli, which is probably the only redeeming quality about Long Island (besides Bagel Boss). Tons obnoxious people crammed one hour outside of NYC shell out huge bucks for a 1950's era three bedroom home on a quarter acre lot. On top of that they all park on the street (why park in the driveway when you can inconvenience everyone else?) drive like dangerous assholes because if they don't manage to kill someone they may save 2 seconds, and walk around like they're constantly looking for a fight. Fran Drescher's family in the Nanny? Yeah, she seriously wasn't making that shit up. If a Bostonian goes to Long Island and doesn't immediately think "what the fuck is wrong with all of these people?" then they certainly don't deserve to live in our beloved state.

That being said, Bronx's friend and relatives all appear to be very nice people. One woman was a dead ringer for Susie Essman (Jeff Greene's wife on Curb Your Enthusiasm) - it was seriously the funniest thing that I've ever seen.

On a totally unrelated note, I'm hoping to spread other pieces of fun news throughout the week. Stay tuned....

Good Times at the Wholesale Club

One of the things I enjoy most about living in America is the unprecedented access to wholesale clubs. In the war of wholesale clubs, there are BJ's people and Costco people and each are fiercely loyal to their respective clubs. Personally I'm a BJ's girl, mostly because I like to support a company that's headquartered in Massachusetts (plus their liquor selection in Stoughton is unreal).

Sure places like Target and Wal-Mart may offer deals similar to those found in wholesale clubs, but the experience is totally not the same. Although I've logged many hours walking the aisles of Costco in D.D.O., Quebec, the art of the wholesale market is such a uniquely American experience. If our regular supermarkets are enough to impress foreigners, they would go absolutely berserk if left loose in a local BJ's. In fact, if a Sam's Club were built in Afghanistan I'm fairly confident that jihadi activities would cease immediately. After all, life is so worth living once you've discovered Prada purses, Sony TV's, and a family pack of Kleenex at cut-rate prices.

The science of cleaning house at a wholesale club is to know exactly how much everything you're buying actually costs. For example, buying 5 lbs of steak tips at $5.99/lb is no bargain but snatching up 3 DiGiornio pizzas for $10 is. $14 for 12 rolls of paper towels? Eh, you could do better. However, a bottle of J. Lohr chardonnay for $8 is worth celebrating. Forget about getting an alarm system or keeping a .38 in your sock drawer. When you're living alone, nothing screams "security" like having 36 double rolls of Cottonelle you recently picked up at BJ's stashed away in the coat closet.

In practical terms, there's really no reason for someone like me to be a card carrying wholesale club member. However, membership has its privileges and I enjoy the camaraderie of hob-nobbing with my fellow suburbanites. The car culture, the larger than life parking lots, the excitement of buying Family Packs that are clearly marketed to the Jon and Kate plus 8 crowd instead of yours truly. It doesn't matter if it will take me 3 months to go through a packet of BJ's brand coffee nor do I mind that I'll never, ever get away with spending less than $80 on cleaning supplies, ice cream, and trash bags. For me it's all about the thrill of finding something at a decent price and subsequently buying a year's supply of it. As someone who clearly doesn't understand the word "boundaries" when on a wholesale club shopping sprenzy, I can only offer you my enthusiastic support for this bit of Americana. I can also offer you an extremely large bottle of toilet bowl cleaner. I recently picked up a 4-pack for the bargain basement price of $5.99.

Stay Local. Staycation. Stay Stoughton.

My parents are celebrating their 30th anniversary this week in San Francisco. Since I'm pretty excited that my mom actually convinced my dad to hop on a plane (going to Marblehead is a big excursion for him), I really wanted to make their trip transition as smooth as possible. I volunteered to drive them to Logan on Thursday morning and checked in on Minnie throughout the day. Minnie gets pretty skittish when my parents go away so it's important that she's constantly reassured that mom and dad are coming home.

Pee Wee helped me out by feeding Minnie her breakfast on Friday morning. I planned to spend the evening over there so Pee Wee and I did our "parents are out of town ritual", which involves trying out a new Indian restaurant. I had a restaurant.com certificate for a place up in Medford (Kabob Factory) which was decent but probably not worth the trip. On the way back I was rear-ended on the Expressway by a guy driving an SUV while gabbing on a cell phone. The driver in questions didn't seem overly concerned that he hit me and actually continued his conversation before getting out of the car to exchange insurance information. I was driving my mom's car at the time and aside from the bumper being cracked up, nobody was hurt.

Saturday I hosted a suburban excursion with Fearless, Nay, Mama T, and Denise. We hit up the Wrentham Outlets and BBQed, watched ABC Family movies, and poked fun at people from Wisconsin (Denise's accent was dead on - hilarious!). Since I bought way too much food (as always), the Gesher South Shore crew hoofed it to Stoughton for a second wave of grilling. Wellesley was put to work grilling and performing minor house maintenance (one of the perks of having a tall boyfriend? Changing lightbulbs is never an issue!) and Minnie was in her glory because she thought that the party was for her.

Since I had been up since 6:30am, I really wanted to sleep in my own bed so I went back to Canton with the intention of going back to Stoughton on Sunday morning so I could give Minnie her pills (not a fun task). Minnie was kinda pissed about my "love her and leave her" attitude and decided to poop on the rug, which I got to clean up. I had a great lunch at Wellesley's tennis club and then lost a tough, rainy softball game.

Back into the swing of things. I'm gearing up my gym class tonight followed by a late Logan drive-by to pick up the p-units. The reunion between my parents and Minnie will likely be a happy one.

The Difference Between Chestnut Hill and the South Shore? Oh Let Me Count The Ways....

South Shore Example numero uno: I tried a class at my new gym for the first time last night called "Hard Core Results". Basically it's a 60 minute class that focuses on strength training, conditioning, and cardio in 3-4 minute spurts. I took a similar class at Healthworks by instructors that encouraged us with a challenging workout chock full of self-esteem ("It's ok! You can do it!" "You're doing great!"). The instructor on the South Shore is a bit more blunt, giving us surley pep talks ("Excuse me? Why are you stopping? Did I ask you to stop?") whenever one of us dared to fall out. Motivating, yes. Self-defeating? Just a little bit. I'll be back next Monday.

My Dell laptop shit the bed again. On Friday the keyboard and touchpad randomly stopped working. It being a Dell, it is obviously out of warranty. Rather than call Dell just to be jerked around by a well-meaning but somewhat condescending tech rep, I took Dad's advice and brought it to New England PC and Web in West Bridgewater. Anyone's whoever been stuck in phone tree purgatory and then put on hold for 2 hours can appreciate being asked to "hit 3 to speak with a wicked smart technician". I dropped my laptop off yesterday and was told that it would be ready for pick-up this morning. Wicked smart techs with a wicked fast turn-around and wicked reasonable prices makes for a wicked happy pahkcah02.

My parents are leaving for San Francisco this weekend which means that I get to dog sit Minnie. I often watch Minnie while they're out of town and we have lots of fun going for rides, grilling burgers, and watching TV together. Of course when my parents come home she goes back to ignoring me (unless I have food), as if our special moments never even happend.

Then again, Pee Wee generally goes back to ignoring me as well. At least the washing machine still loves me.

Happy 28th Birthday, KnitPurl! I'll call you later.

$1.3M? How about 1.3M tires?

According to the Salem Evening News our federal government recently spent $1.3 million on constructing new I-95 signs along Route 128. The bulk of the expense went towards digging up dirt and laying down cement foundations for the Interstate signs. Naturally most of the digging was done during the winter when snow and frost makes this task a trillion times harder (and likely more expensive) than necessary.

When giving directions to people who aren't familiar with our roads I specifically call the road Route 128 on purpose - just because I know that it will confuse the shit out of them. Directions from Dedham to Braintree is just one classic example (128 south to 128 south?).

Local customs aside, the real question is has anybody from the federal government actually bothered to drive up and down the 128 section of I-95? The rednecks down in Florida drive on a flawless 10 lane I-95 while we massholes get stuck with a pothole riddled embarrassment. Traffic's bad? Enjoy your wide stretch of road through the middle of nowhere, North Carolina. In Massachusetts you can save time on your 60 minute/15 mile commute along I-95 by driving in the breakdown lane. From the bottom of my heart I really must say, thanks for nothing federal highway funds. I'm sure those new Interstate signs will look real swell in some BU dorm room.

It Has To Be Said

Two horrific events rocked the American Jewish community this week: the indiscriminate shootings by a psycho at the Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC and the very public anti-Semetic remarks by Obama's former preacher Jeremiah Wright. Hate crimes of every variety have been ticking upwards lately so I'm not exactly shocked that despite the post-WWII decades of singing Kumbaya, that anti-Semetism is still alive and well in this country. I am, however, a bit surprised (though not totally shocked) at the way the media has been handling the entire matter.

Racist websites that preach intolerance are all over the Internet. Fine. If someone wants to do some initial legwork (and probably have their IP address tracked) to find this type of shit then all the power to them. However, for mainstream websites to report on the events in DC and Wright's speech and then publish excerpts of their hateful rants online is ridiculous. People who might never feel compelled to visit a neo-Nazi site can now nod along with the anti-Semetic rhetoric on CNN, MSNBC, etc without fear of being labeled a bigot.

Everyone knows that Jeremiah Wright is an anti-Semite so there is absolutely no need to give his remarks the type of bully pulpit they've received this week. Ditto for the very tragic shooting at the Holocaust Museum. My heart goes out to the family of Officer Johns, who's life was taken from him unmercilessly by a convicted racist criminal. One can assume that anyone who would walk into a Holocaust museum with a weapon and murder an African-American security guard is both a racist and an anti-Semite. To report that James von Brunn was a member of several hate groups without publishing his quotes, thoughts, and opinions simply would've been enough.

Pahkcah02 on Unions

Starting Monday, Boston Globe guild workers will stand by and watch their salary be cut by 23%. Forced between a rock and a hard place, the union sold out their members livelihood for perks that don't exist in most of the private sector. It's a good thing that those guild workers still have their lifetime job guarantees. After all, with the new pay cuts they'll likely be working until they hit the grave.

During my time at UMass I took a few labor relations classes, and despite my conservative way of thinking, I am not totally against organized labor. After all, the early 20th century labor movement is responsible for giving us OSHA laws, child labor laws, overtime regulations, and, (my personal favorite) the weekend. However, somewhere in the midst of social justice and worker solidarity came the gripping wave of entitlement.

The union labor movement is socialistic in nature, so the Guild members can't be surprised that their personal financial hardships were cast aside for the perceived good of the majority. Singling out workers for layoffs may be all too common in the non-union world but that's generally not the way it goes down in a union shop. In this economy most workers say that they would prefer pay cuts to layoffs until they find out that their new take home pay requires a major lifestyle overhaul.

The economy is horrific and employers are using it as a free pass to degrade their employees with pay cuts, furloughs, and wage freezes. Rather than use the power of work shortages to force the Globe to fix their broken business model the Guild bent over backwards to appease management. Rest assured that the 23% pay cut is a band aid for the larger problems that plague the New York Times group. Until the real issues are solved pay cuts will continue, workers will be shed from other departments, and overall morale will erode.

Until American management gets back to basics and figures out how to run a profitable business model based on modest but steady returns then we're all doomed. The workers at the Boston Globe may live to fight another day but the esprit de corps of New England's flagship paper is likely gone forever. The only way these workers will get any sense of justice is to pay it forward by actively looking for new employment. Finding a new job won't be easy, and it definitely won't happen overnight, but it's becoming apparent in the 21st century that the only labor union worth paying dues to is yourself.